Therapy can be one of the most valuable investments you make in yourself. It’s a space where you can reflect, heal, and grow with the support of someone who is trained to help. As with most things, nothing is flawless. Sometimes, people reach a point where they wonder: Why am I not getting better in therapy?
If you’ve ever had that thought, you’re not alone. Feeling stuck is frustrating, and it can even make you question whether your therapy is worth the time and effort.
The truth is, therapy isn’t always a straight path from struggle to success. Progress can be slower, messier, and more complex than we expect. That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong or that therapy isn’t helping—it just means there may be other factors at play.
In this article, I’ve written about some of the more common reasons that people don’t see progress in therapy … and what you can do about it.
1. Unrealistic Expectations
I find that this is most common when a patient’s life circumstances are deeply challenging—like living with someone who is emotionally draining or being stuck in a difficult work or family situation. Therapy can’t change those realities. Therapy likely won’t make you feel happy.
Rather than expecting therapy to help you feel good, it likely is more realistic to expect that therapy can help you get through it. By focusing on building coping skills, resilience, and inner strength, you can learn better ways to survive and maybe even thrive in the face of what you can’t change.
What to do: Talk openly with your therapist about what “getting better” really means for you. A good therapist will help you challenge any unrealistic expectations. Sometimes it’s about learning to manage the stress rather than removing it.
2. Not Yet Ready for Change
This is not a criticism. Sometimes people recognize the need for change but aren’t ready—or able—to take the necessary steps. Other times, they don’t see the need for change at all. Therapy requires not just the desire, but also the ability to do something different. And those two things don’t always arrive together.
What to do: If you feel stuck, consider whether the work right now is less about “fixing” things and more about exploring readiness. You know that your therapist is putting your needs first when they are willing to explore with you the benefits of taking a break from therapy and restarting later.
3. Working with the Wrong Therapist
Even the most skilled therapist won’t be a good fit for everyone. The relationship between you and your therapist is central to progress. If you don’t feel understood, safe, or connected, it’s natural to struggle with growth. Sometimes people avoid raising this issue because they don’t want to hurt their therapist’s feelings—but a good therapist will want you to speak up.
What to do: If something doesn’t feel right, bring it up. The best therapists will support your honesty and even help you connect with someone else who might be a better fit.
4. Change For You Really Depends on Others
Sometimes your healing depends on changes outside of your control. A teen may be working hard in therapy, but unless their parents also shift their patterns, progress will be limited. Similarly, a parent might attend therapy for stress in their relationship with their child, but unless the child also receives support, the dynamic remains unchanged.
What to do: Explore whether family or couples therapy could help, especially when multiple people contribute to the problem (and the solution).
5. The Wrong Type of Therapy
This isn’t about therapy being “bad”—it’s about therapy being mismatched to what your challenges are. For example, someone struggling with marriage challenges might go to individual therapy, hoping it will fix the relationship. If the core issue lies within the relationship itself, couples therapy may be more effective. Similarly, when family dynamics are at the heart of the struggle, family therapy can be a better choice than individual work. I don’t mean that you should abandon individual sessions. They can be extremely valuable. Just be open to new options.
What to do: Ask yourself: Is the type of therapy I’m receiving aligned with what I want to change? If not, a different approach may be more effective.
6. Lack of Practice Outside Sessions
Here’s something to think about: where do you spend more time, in or out of your therapist’s office? I hope the answer is out!
The work that your therapists gives to you for when you are not in a session is probably the most important part of your journey. Therapy isn’t just about what happens in the office—it’s about applying what you learn in your daily life.
When new coping strategies, communication tools, or thought patterns aren’t practiced between sessions, progress often stalls. Think of therapy like learning a new skill: you wouldn’t expect to play the piano well if you only touched the keys once a week. The same is true for building emotional and mental resilience. If the work doesn’t make sense to or for you, tell your therapist. I tell my patients that work that they couldn’t do in between sessions helps us figure out what a better fit looks like.
What to do: Talk with your therapist about practical and realistic ways to integrate what you’re learning into everyday life. And in this case, realistic has to be realistic for your unique situation. Then just start small. Whether it’s practicing a breathing technique once a day, journaling a few thoughts, or trying out a new way of responding in conversation. Small steps, repeated often, add up to real change.
Final Thoughts
I hope that this article was helpful and not hurtful. Therapy is a very personal journey, and the reasons for the results a person gets (good or bad) are complicated. If therapy isn’t doing what you expected, talk to your therapist.
More often, it’s about expectations, readiness, fit, external dynamics, or the type of therapy being used.
The good news is, all of these can be addressed. Talk with your therapist openly, explore different approaches, and remember: therapy isn’t about being perfect—it’s about progress over time.
At Health & Happiness: Counselling and Wellness, we try to help people explore these challenges with compassion and support. Whether it’s individual, couples, or family therapy, our team works to find the right fit for you. To learn more about our services click here.