I saw a question online that got me thinking: Can you disappoint your therapist? More to the point, I started asking myself if my patients think I expect something from them?
My honest answer: I have zero expectations on the people I see. They cannot disappoint me. And that is a good thing!
Therapy Isn’t About Meeting My Expectations
Now, are there things my patients can do that I like? Absolutely! First, if they are going to be late to let me know. If they are not able to make their appointment, I love it when they tell me. The reason: it helps me with my schedule and time management.
Now clinically, that is a different thing entirely.
My role as a therapist is to help people find ways to feel better — if that’s what they want, and if that’s possible. And that means I can’t set expectations for them. Why?
Because it’s their journey, not mine.
I remind myself — and the students I supervise — that we didn’t cause the issues that brought someone into therapy. And we aren’t the ones who are supposed to “fix” it either. Our job is to support the process, not control it.
It’s a Real Relationship — But Not a Typical One
Therapy is absolutely an authentic relationship. But it’s also different from most other relationships. I’m legally and ethically bound to protect a patient’s privacy — and they’re not bound to protect mine. I’m here to support and challenge their beliefs, not to socialize or become part of their life outside of sessions.
And that difference is key.
So when someone asks if they can disappoint me, I say this:
I’m not here to judge you. I’m here to walk with you, at your pace, on your path.
That’s why I can’t really be disappointed. Because I’m not here with a checklist. I’m here to help you figure out what your checklist even looks like — and what you want to do with it.
Want To Learn More?
At Health & Happiness: Counselling and Wellness, our goal is to support your goals — whatever they may be. We believe in meeting you where you’re at and helping you move forward in a way that works for you.
For more on how the therapist-patient relationship is structured ethically and professionally, the College of Registered Psychotherapists of Ontario (CRPO) has a good overview.
If you’re ready to talk, we’re here to listen.