Even in the most loving families, parents often see things differently. One might be the disciplinarian while the other is more lenient. And it doesn’t matter where you live: this is common. In Vaughan family therapy is just as needed as anywhere else.
These differences are normal and unavoidable. Think about it – both parents were raised differently by their parents. Naturally, there will be disagreements. The problem is when these differences become a problem an impact the family and the couple’s relationship.
That’s where the principles behind family therapy can make all the difference. The goal isn’t to decide who’s right or wrong, but to help both parents work as a team — because kids thrive when they know their parents are united. An important part of therapy for the family can be support for the parents on their own.
Why Alignment Matters
From newborns to adult children, every child benefits when parents share a consistent approach. Kids learn what’s expected of them, and they feel more secure when rules don’t change depending on who’s in the room. And consistency does not mean that the parents have to be exactly the same. Remember that your own style of raising your kids will differ from your partner. And this is actually a good thing!
When parents disagree openly or contradict each other, it doesn’t just confuse kids — it can also create distance between the adults. A united front builds trust, stability, and predictability, which are the foundations of healthy emotional development.
One more point: this is especially important when there is a child or children who has behavioural challenges. They are the ones who really need to understand the boundaries and expectations from their parents. The closer the parents are, the easier it is for their children.
It’s Okay to Disagree (Privately)
No two parents will ever agree on everything — and that’s okay. Differences are natural, shaped by our own upbringings and values. The key is to discuss disagreements privately and work toward common ground before involving the kids.
Unless there’s something harmful or abusive happening, try to support your partner’s decision in the moment. You can always revisit the issue later when emotions are calm.
It can be very hard to keep quiet when you see your partner do something you don’t agree with. They might send a child to their room and you would not have. That’s ok. The reason for talking in private is to simply protect the authority of both parents. Maybe a discussion will lead the parent to call the kid out of their room.
Keep in mind that this is a general principle and not intended to be a firm rule. It is also good for kids to see their parents argue and work out their problems. The point is that when it comes to parenting, both need to be in alignment.
In family therapy or parent coaching, couples learn how to communicate these differences without blame or frustration — turning conflict into collaboration.
Equal Isn’t Always Fair
Parents often struggle with the idea of fairness. I still do! One parent may insist that every child be treated exactly the same, while the other believes in adjusting rules to fit each child’s personality or needs. And as I wrote at the beginning, this is important everywhere. Whether you live in Toronto, Thornhill, or Vaughan family therapy and parent coaching are often needed.
The truth? Each child is unique. What motivates one might overwhelm another. Parenting isn’t about perfect equality — it’s about meeting each child where they are.
I recommend taking into account whether your child, when they do something wrong, did it “intentionally” or did not have the ability NOT to do what they did. For example, a child (or adult) with ADHD may have trouble with impulsiveness. A person that does not have ADHD can still be impulsive, but on average will have more of an ability to control themselves.
When the problem is the latter, then discipline will look one way. If the problem is lack of ability, then they often need to be given the path to success. In practice, the first child might be given a time out for an hour. The second might be given a time out for an hour, or until they do what was required. This helps them learn the path to success when otherwise they might have no clue.
Again, these are guidelines and not specific rules to follow.
Through parent coaching, families can learn how to balance fairness with flexibility, helping each child feel understood and supported.
The Problem with “Good Cop, Bad Cop”
When parents fall into the “good cop, bad cop” routine, it can create serious problems. The “good cop” loses authority, the “bad cop” feels unappreciated, and kids learn that rules are negotiable depending on who’s around.
Over time, this dynamic can damage trust between parents and between parent and child. The goal of family therapy isn’t necessarily to assign roles — it’s to help both parents feel confident enforcing boundaries with empathy and consistency.
Working Together Instead of Against Each Other
Parenting is one of the hardest — and most rewarding — partnerships you’ll ever have. It’s okay to have differences; it’s how you manage them that matters.
If you and your partner find yourselves stuck in repeating patterns, family therapy can help you realign your goals and improve communication. You’ll develop a shared approach that works for your unique family — one that fosters cooperation, respect, and connection.
At Health & Happiness: Counselling and Wellness, we offer in person support. We are located in Vaughan and provide family therapy and parent coaching for parents who want to build stronger, more united relationships with their children — and with each other. Family therapy tries to help the family unit learn about each other and avoid pointing fingers at one person. Typically the approach is based on “Emotionally Focused Family Therapy” and you can learn more about it here.
Parent coaching (we actually have a therapeutic approach to it) helps parents collaborate better. This can help parents who live together and those who don’t as long as the goal is to do what’s best for the kids.